Ten Reasons Why Luminous is Still Single
by Ten-Faced
Summary: Sorry, ladies, there's a reason why he's still single even after defeating the Black Mage. Ten of them, actually.


1. Phantom

"Everyone," Luminous didn't want to do this. Really. Unfortunately Lania liked the idea of him having a 'girlfriend' and had all but ordered him to introduce his new female acquaintance to the rest of his fellow heroes. "This is Diana. She works as a sniper, and she is a friend of mine."

Mercedes actually gawked at him. Evan and Aran both blinked. Phantom . . . .

That damned thief got out of his seat, flung his cape out with a flourish and went down on one knee before producing a rose from nowhere. "A beautiful flower for a beautiful lady," he purred. "Although its beauty wilts in front of yours."

Blushing, the sniper took the flower with a stuttered and uncharacteristically shy thanks.

Luminous decided that they were no longer friends with the possibility of romance. No girl of his would find Phantom charming.

* * *

2. Vieran

"Oh, please, be careful on your way in," Luminous added as an afterthought as he stepped inside the house he and Lania shared.

"Careful of what?" then the wild hunter caught a glimpse of Vieran. "AHHHHHHH! GHOST!"

She was out of the house and running for her life before Luminous could even blink.

* * *

3. Aran

"So, Luminous, I know we just met and everything, but I feel that there's a special connection between you and me. A connection we both can't deny."

"Um . . . ." Luminous tried to be courteous. He really did. Unfortunately the girl was unbuttoning her shirt and beginning to pin him to the sofa below her and he really didn't like where this was going. "Listen, Delilah . . . ."

Then the door was blown off its hinges. "Luminous!" roared a furious female voice that could shake the very mountains of El Nath, "I know you're here!"

Delilah scrambled off of him, hurriedly clutching her shirt together. "What . . . ?"

That was before Aran in all her fur-cloaked, white-haired, giant pole-arm glory came storming towards him, batting the bandit away absentmindedly in the middle of her battlefield march like she was nothing but an annoying gnat. "I just regained more of my memories! Where's the five million mesos you owe me for that tavern fight?!"

He never saw Delilah again.

* * *

4. Lania.

"You're telling me that this Lania is the most special person to you?"

"Yes," Luminous smiled fondly, not even noticing the jealous and extremely pissed look the mage was shooting him. "I lost her a very long time ago . . . I'm lucky to have found her again."

"Well," with a smile so sweet it had to be fake, Hailey stood up and grabbed her bag. "It's been nice meeting you, but I prefer men who put me as the first woman in their lives."

* * *

5. Evan (and Mir)

After the Diana-meets-Phantom incident Luminous decided to not let any of his other female acquaintances meet the irritating thief. However, Lania still wanted him to introduce his new female friend to the other heroes. Something about making it official.

Concealing irritation he gestured at the younger mage and his dragon friend, giving a curt introduction. "Silvia, this is Evan and Mir. Evan, Mir, this is Silvia."

"Who's who?" the wind archer asked.

"I'm Evan!" the dragon master reached out and enthusiastically shook her hand. "And this is Mir! He's my best friend and partner!"

Because dragons couldn't shake hands, Mir just roared out multicoloured fire. Unfortunately, his aim was a bit off and he burnt Silvia's clothes.

Luminous hastily covered her with his cloak. "That stupid beast!" she shrieked as Evan apologized and handed her his extra pair of clothing, eyes shut firmly in fear of seeing anything he wasn't supposed to. "Luminous, do something!"

"What would you have me do?" he shrugged. "That's the last Onyx Dragon. If Mir dies, the species go extinct. Additionally, only your clothes suffered any real damage. That is not too bad."

"You jerk!"

Luminous was left with his cloak tossed over his recently slapped face while Evan was left missing one pair of clothes.

* * *

6. Too powerful.

"Listen, Luminous," Oz had her hands clasped nervously. "It's been great going out with you. Really. You're a gentleman and you have this super awesome accent that makes you sound totally lovable and everything . . . but I think we should stop seeing each other."

Luminous had really only just asked her out because Lania needed more maternal, warm women in her life, but he did wonder why the Blaze Wizard didn't want to see him anymore. "May I know the reason why?"

"It's not you . . . ." Oz trailed off. "Actually, it kinda _is_ you."

"Me?"

"Yes, you! You're too strong in magic and even if I try, it's still frustrating to know that you're better than me! Do you know how jealous I am of you? Like, I'm the Chief of the Blaze Wizards! That's supposed to be a pretty big deal, but here you are, all fancy Mr. Hero with the powers of Light beating me hands down like it's nothing!"

* * *

7. Mercedes

Long blond hair, Clear blue eyes like the sky. A fair, perfect complexion. The delicate grace of an elf.

After taking this all in, the crusader dragged him over into the kitchen, away from a visiting Mercedes who was left puzzled and standing alone with a hand extended for a handshake outside. "She's _just_ your friend?! You honestly expect me to believe that?!"

* * *

8. Split personality

"The darkness!" Luminous cackled, red eye blazing like a torch. He was suffering one of his attacks. "It overflows within me! Mwah ha ha ha ha!"

The night walker was not impressed. "Oh, so you're making fun of my job now?" she tossed her dyed hair backwards and flipped him the middle finger with the shiny skull ring. "Screw you, asshole."

Then the rather gothic and considerably emo girl stomped out of the house, leaving Luminous to deal with his split personality by himself . . . err, his selves.

* * *

9. The Time Seal

"Wait, wait, wait. _When's_ your birth date?"

* * *

10. Penny

". . . and this is my home."

"Wow!" the gunslinger looked around. "It's so cute!"

Luminous noticed Penny, trotting up to them. "Oh, greetings Penny – "

"Mreooowww!"

"Eeeeeeh!"

"Penny!"

"Getitoffmegetitoffmegetitofmeeee!"

"Penny, remove yourself from her face!"

"Why are you talking to it! Get this thing off of me!"

"Please, believe me when I say I'm trying!"

"Ahhhh!"

Amy ran out of the house and sprinted out of the forest, the suddenly-turned vicious cat still firmly on her face.

Penny came back later, just in time for dinner. Amy didn't.

* * *

Inspired by a story I read a long time ago. I forgot where it was. OTL

Took a little break from UPP.


End file.
